Focus Thought
The strength of a relationship is not measured by the good times. How a couple responds to great challenges define a relationship.
When we walked down the marriage aisle thirty seven years ago, we were filled with high hopes and dreams of what we thought life would bring. Of course we weren’t thinking of major challenges at the time. We expected some difficult times, like losing a parent, moving, job changes, etc. Never did we think we would experience the loss of a child, infertility issues, or my becoming paralyzed.
It has been in the trenches of disappoint-ments and in the valleys of despair, where our fortress of love has been forged with the strength of our commitment to each other. It is how we respond to the challenge itself and to each other during difficult times that define the depth of our relationship. Life has melded us to be a unity of trust, faith, and completeness. One is strong when the other is weak, wise when one is foolish and calm when one is a storm.
Typically a person will react to stress or challenges in various ways. They may become argumentive, clam up, run away, or want to talk a lot about it, act out in anger or experience depression. Become a student of your mate (and yourself) to be aware of how you each react to challenges.
When we lost our infant daughter, my husband thought it would hurt me too much to talk about it, so he never spoke about her to me. But in reality, I needed to talk about Michelle and his silence sent the wrong message to me. I thought he didn’t care. So I buried my pain. Healing cannot begin if one holds onto the pain or regrets. We eventually were able to open up to each other and truly help each other to journey through the grief process together.
If you are going through a challenging time, I hope you may find the following suggestions beneficial.
1. Communicate openly. Acknowledge each person reacts differently. Allow it, but share it. Under no circumstances though, is physical or verbal abuse acceptable.
2. Don’t bury feelings. Things hidden under a rock are still there.
3. Touch- share physical contact. Hold hands, hold each other.
4. Pray together, try journaling to each other and/or for yourself.
5. Give each other time, not judgment. There is no time table for grief.
6. Take time to be a couple. Not a grieving couple, just a couple. It’s okay to enjoy each other and life.
7. Realize you need to help each other. Friends and family may try to understand and be helpful. Unless they have experienced the same thing, they may say or do the wrong thing unintentionally.
8. Seek help if needed. Consider counseling or join a group with other people experiencing the same challenge.
When a couple helps each other through a challenging time, they develop a deeper sense of companionship and commitment to one another. It is grounded in a deep trust, nurtured in faith, and shared in completeness.
Family Focus
Autumn is a wonderful time for a family walk. Help your children or grandchildren notice all the different changes. Involve all five senses- sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing. What changes? What stays the same? Create a family fall tradition such as making a collage of what the children collected on the walk, play in a pile of leaves, have children sort through their things to donate gently used items, or share a special treat like homemade hot chocolate.
Week’s Verse
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Weekly Recipe
Pumpkin Butter
1 can pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix)
1 cup applesauce
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
¾ tsp. ground ginger
½ tsp. ground cinnamon
½ tsp. ground nutmeg
Stir all ingredients in heavy saucepan until blended. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring often. Reduce heat to low and simmer uncovered, stirring often to prevent scorching, 30 minutes or until thickened. Cool, spoon into container, cover and refrigerate. Great on toast, pancakes or with fruit.
Weekly Websites
www.the-generous-wife.com and www.the-generous-husband.com These websites are wonderful. Sign up for their daily e-mail. Awesome ideas and thought provoking articles.
Weekly Book
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book has been out for a long time but is at the top of my “must read” list. If you have never read it, read it soon. If you have read it, read it again!
Couple Time
Journal to each other! Buy a nice leather bound journal book as this is something you will want to last a lifetime. Take turns writing in it to each other. I usually write in ours during the day, and then leave it on John’s pillow. John writes in it in the morning, and leaves it on the table for me. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to what he has to share with me! The point is to get past the fluff and learn to really share on a deeper level with your loved one. Your journals will become a treasure to both of you.
Couple Question!
What is the hardest emotion for you to share? Why?
Concerns & Celebrations
Concern- Please pray for a friend who is dealing with serious health issues and in need of an organ transplant.
Celebration- Congrats to Annie Stevens on the publishing of her first book, “Out of the Miry Clay”!
Celebration- to Marion Barnes on her first published book too, “Life Without a Bellybutton”!
Concern- A friend is in the final stages of Leukemia. Please pray for her and her family.
Do you have a concern or celebration to share? Let me know and I will include it. I keep them anonymous unless you request your name be included.
Kid’s Classics
When I was very pregnant with twins, I had a dental appointment. A little boy stared at my belly and asked “Are you gonna get that pulled out too?”
Comments Corner
Comments and suggestions are really welcomed here! Let me know what you think or what you would like to share! E-mail is pavient73@comcast.net
Have a blessed week!
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